apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
