she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
