she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
