You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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