I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
