Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
