He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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