If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am available for nakedness
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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