I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
