I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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