Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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