We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
