i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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