I need help removing her.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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