I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
