If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize