i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
