I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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