I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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