I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I didn't notice because vodka
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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