i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
