Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I AM VODKA MAN
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
