I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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