my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
