Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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