We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
