literally had 100 drinks last night.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
