I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
