We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
