you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
