go do what you do best...puke behind churches
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
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So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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