And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
