Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
