I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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