He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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