My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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