Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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