dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He has the fingertips of a God
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
