last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
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Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize