She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
