genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
