got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
