I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
