this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize