Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
