I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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