you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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