that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
