Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
how drunk are you?