Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
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Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.