I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?