i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock