I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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