she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
