i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She bit a glass in half.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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