Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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