i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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