i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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