If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
COCAINE IS GR8
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
