oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
