the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
