so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
