i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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