You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
