idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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