i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
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We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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