the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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