today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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