What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
