Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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