i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
