Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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