We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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