I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
