I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
