I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
