hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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