I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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