I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
