Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
