I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
