Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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