She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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